Category: Wellness

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Depression Resilience Wellness

All I Really Want for Christmas is Presence Please!

Whew! ‘Safely home from an errand near the mall and glad I didn’t go to the mall. Getting there would have meant sitting in the sea of backed-up traffic waiting to get onto mall property. Apparently lots of people hoped to buy last-minute presents in our town today.

Presents can become the focus of Christmas but they’re not what we need. We need presence – God’s presence and the presence of loved ones if we want to stave off Christmas pain.

Pain Beneath the Glitter

It feels awkward to write about pain at this festive time of year (last year I wrote about Christmas trees). For some reason this year my thoughts keep turning to the pain that lies beneath much of the season’s glitter.

A radio pastor spoke of seasonal spikes in depression and suicide rates.  A family at church received devastating news from a doctor. A young mother lives stunned by her husband’s sudden death and a widow grieves the suicide of her adult son. The media graphically reports on a broken world.

Life  gets very hard. Christians doing their best to walk with God often suffer badly. We ask, “Where is God in my trouble?” The inability to experience God’s presence feels especially piercing when festivities celebrate His coming to the world.

Mary Had Trouble

Last week a message from Bible Gateway highlighted the moment when an angel told Mary she’d found favor with God and would bear His son (Luke 1:30-31). Mary’s heart soared in response to the visit. She composed the hymn of praise known as The Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55).

I pondered Mary’s status as favored then remembered the agony that awaited her. A little more than three decades later the same righteous and favored Mary stood an apparent widow at the foot of a cross watching the brutal murder of her beloved and innocent son.

Mary’s spirits must have sunk low that day. Had God abandoned her? Withdrawn His favor? One can only imagine the despair she felt on that dark occasion. I wonder if she could feel God’s presence.  Did she struggle with the same feelings of loneliness, fear and doubt that plague believers today?

God was There!

Mary suffered terribly but God did not leave her. First He designated John to provide Mary’s needs. Then He allowed Mary to see the risen Lord. Mary lived long enough to fully understand God’s favor on her and the wonders He worked through her life.

We have no record of Mary’s late-life prayers but I bet they expressed an even deeper joy and more profound proclamations of praise than the recorded prayer composed in her youth. In time Mary saw the big picture of how God worked in her life.

Mary’s story can help when we find it hard to experience God’s presence. We only need to remember the unspeakable joy that followed her deep despair. Hardships do not mean we’ve lost God’s favor. They do not mitigate His promise to work all things to good for those who love Him and live for His purposes (Rms 8:28)

You and Me

If you have named Christ as Lord God will not leave you (Heb 13:5). You have His favor (Eph 2:8-9). Seek and find His presence  (Matt 7:7).  Expect good things from God in your darkest hours.

I like Christmas presents and even hope to get a few. I like the presence of friends and family more. Most of all I want to experience God’s presence in my heart and mind this Christmas. I wish the same for you.

Cheryl

Categories
Depression Personal Growth Resilience Wellness

How to Think Your Way to Success

My life got busy recently and I lost hold of important disciplines. Does that happen to you?

A baby was born, a hurricane developed, our basement leaked water and a series of meetings and related work occurred in rapid succession. Amid these distractions I failed to exercise regularly and ate too much unhealthy food for a period of weeks.

I felt bad physically and mentally because of poor choices so I determined to get back on track by walking my favorite trail. I wanted to complete the course at my usual pace but that came hard after time away. I believed I would need to slow or rest.

To make things tougher I passed several inviting benches waiting in scenic places. I thought a lot about pausing to sit on one, enjoy the scenery and do some pending work using my phone.

In the end I didn’t slow or sit but finished my route in target time. I gained two rewards:

  1. physical benefit
  2. a feeling of success

My small success happened for one reason –  I changed my thinking. Changed thinking can open the door to big successes too.

Transforming Thoughts

The apostle Paul explained that transformation comes from a renewed mind (Rms 12:2). My mind renewed when I remembered the passage of Scripture I read at breakfast:

 “ …do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” (Heb 10:35-36).

Busted! I was throwing away my confidence by thinking I couldn’t finish my walk in good time. Distracting benches tempted me to forget my purpose (fitness) and miss my rewards.

I recognized the counterproductive nature of my thoughts and rejected them. Instead I embraced confident thoughts, considered ways to keep going, remembered my purpose and contemplated rewards. My changed thinking transformed me into a confident, determined and successful trekker.

The Renewed Mind

The passage in Hebrews suggests four thinking patterns that lead to success. These include:

Confident Thinking

Confidence comes from thinking, “I can.” Satan wants us to believe “I can’t,” Paul teaches us to say, “I can do all things through Christ” (Phil 4:13).

Of course we cannot literally do all things. I cannot run 100 miles with my friend’s son Shane or up a mountain with my son-in-law. Paul means that with God’s help we can do God’s will in all situations.

Endurance Thinking

I persevered toward my goal because I stopped thinking about how much farther and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. That helped me keep going.

Disciplined thinking helps us persevere. We feel stronger when we focus on the next step, when we think about today  (Matt 6:34).

Purpose Thinking

Those benches had a siren call that almost led me to forgot my purpose (fitness). Remembering my reason for walking helped me move past the benches.

We exist to glorify God (Isa 43:7). There are many worthy ways to do that. Success comes when we find and focus on God’s purpose for our unique life – the purpose that best fits our abilities and situation.

Reward Thinking

I motivated myself by thinking on expected rewards. I envisioned sinking into my comfortable car seat and driving home for refreshment feeling physically good and knowing I did the right thing.

God promises rich rewards now and in the life ahead to those who do His will (Phil 4:4-8; Rev 22:5). Thinking on rewards spurs us toward victory.

So What are You Thinking?

Hebrews 10:35-36 helped me assess my thoughts. It can help you too. Here are four questions to ask yourself next time you want to succeed but know you need to renew your mind:

1. Am I telling myself “I can” or succumbing to self-doubt?

“do not throw away your confidence…”

2. Am I thinking about today or looking too far  ahead and feeling overwhelmed?

“you need to persevere…”

3. Am I focused on my God-given purpose or getting distracted?

“so that when you have done the will of God…”

4. Am I think about rewards or focused on my hardships?

“you will receive what He has promised.”

Just thinking…

Cheryl

Categories
Depression Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Are You One of the Brightest Bulbs in the Box?

Three days ago I began my milestone birthday by walking around a nearby lake. The first half of my route featured a casual stroll through a rose garden, a trek to the far side of the lake, a climb up a steep hill and a detour down a dirt path where I came across a shaded bench beside a small pond.

I sat on the bench and thought about years under my life’s bridge and ways to live out the rest of my journey. I used my phone to read Psalm 71 (concerns aging), softly sang two hymns and left the isolated spot with spirits high and a spring in my step.

As I continued walking around the lake I passed four college-age students going the other way. I looked toward each one and said “Hi” or “Good morning” but none of the first three acknowledged me or my greeting. I shrugged and gave it little thought until…

A fourth young lady wearing earphones and holding herself upright came jogging towards me with ponytail swinging. As she drew near she flashed a broad smile my way and began waving her hand back and forth in friendly greeting. That young woman had her light on! She was one of the brightest bulbs I met that day!

God Gives Us Light

It seems God often sends the same message more than once in the same day. That’s why I didn’t feel totally surprised that evening when via Facetime we got to hear our 8-year old grandson Liam recite the memory verse he learned at camp. You guessed it! Liam repeated:

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 5:16)

Favorable circumstances enable us to feel bright and cheery sometimes but Scripture teaches that lasting and true light comes from God in the face of Jesus (2 Cor 5:6; John 1:9). . God wants the light of Christ to shine through us into the world (Isa 60:1; Matt 5:14).

Is Your Light On? Does it Shine?

This world has much darkness. We all know so I won’t elaborate. God gives us needed light for personal enjoyment and for sharing (Luke 8:16).

Our daily words, actions and attitudes impact others. Every day we get the chance to make the world brighter or darker by the choices we make. We contribute:

  • hope or pessimism
  • truth or deceit
  • compassion or indifference
  • generosity or selfishness
  • acceptance or rejection
  • patience or anger
  • grace or condemnation
  • humor or grumpiness
  • humility or pride

Have you thought about the ways you do or don’t add light to the world? Which of the words in the above dichotomies best describe what you pour into the lives of others? If you circled those words would you have more circles on the left or right-hand side of the column?

Our light switch comes on when we receive God’s Spirit. Our bulb shines out when we dust it off, check the filament and take intentional steps to make it visible to others.

If you need God’s light in your heart ask Him for it. If you have His light but it’s hidden or darkened with dust from disuse do what it takes to brighten your light and place it where it shines into the darkness.

The woman I met by the lake definitely had light in her heart and apparently wanted to brighten the world around her. I want to be like her. How about you?

Cheryl

Categories
Resilience Wellness

Have You Seen God in the Garden?

Two weeks ago my husband and I visited our local garden center and loaded our cart with soil enhancers, seed packets and starter plants. My heart smiled as we prepared to plant our summer vegetable garden.

My husband’s heart didn’t soar in the same way. He looked at our store receipt and said, “I can’t believe what we spent on the stupid garden.”

Don’t get the wrong impression. Underneath my husband likes our garden. He works hard with me to prepare, plant and maintain the garden all summer. He enjoys checking it out after work to look for new bounty hiding beneath flourishes of green leaves.

Charlie spoke from a pragmatic point of view. We don’t garden very seriously so gardening usually costs us more money than we save on our produce bill at the store.

I don’t mind losing a little money on our garden because it provides so many other kinds of value. Gardening is fun, challenging, therapeutic and provides fresh organic table fare. Best of all it lets me see God.

Seeing God in the Garden

If you get your hands dirty trying to grow something God will show you these things about Himself:

God’s ways are mysterious

How does He do it? We plant a kernel of corn and get a six-foot stalk bearing more corn. Who can explain it? Science can describe the mechanisms of reproduction but can’t explain or generate life.

Life and reproduction are miracles. The garden helps us see that God’s ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

He supplies every need

Our loving God provides everything we need to succeed in the garden. He gives us abilities, earth, seed, sun, rain, natural fertilizers and beneficial bugs.

God knows our needs in life as in the garden. He wants us to succeed and has each need covered (Phil 4:19; Ps 1:1-3)!

God gives generously

God goes beyond supplying our needs and gives bountifully. Invest one kernel of corn and get back a stalk bearing one or two ears with 640-1280 new kernels. What a deal!

A single apple seed can sprout a tree that produces up to 1000 apples every year for 50 years. A single flower seed can grow a bush that displays gorgeous blooms for a decade.

God gives a huge return on investments in the garden and in life. The garden illustrates God’s generosity (Malachi 3:10).

He works in prepared hearts

IMG_2178The upper part of our hilly garden has rocky, dry soil. We plant there every year but don’t get much return. The lower part has softer, rock-free soil that holds moisture. That section welcomes seeds and produces well.

The importance of soil condition in the garden reminds us that God needs tender and receptive hearts to grow beautiful lives (Dan 5:20; Matt 13:1-23).

God rewards work

Gardens require time, effort and money. We must purchase supplies, prepare soil, plant seeds, tend plants, pull weeds, fight pests and blight if we want a return. Rewards come when we do the work.

God wants us to work in His garden for His purposes. He richly blesses everyone who does (Luke 19:17; 1 Cor 9:23).

He cheers us on

Bad weather and mistakes cause garden failures. Charlie and I have suffered many dashed hopes for fresh zucchini and more. When things go wrong we accept what happened, try to learn something and plant again.

God knows we’re not perfect. When we fail He wants us to learn something and make a fresh start relying on His help.  Harvest comes to those who push forward (Gal 6:9).

Conclusion

What about you? Do you garden? If so what thoughts come to your mind as you toil in the soil? I’d love to know.

If you don’t garden I recommend it. If you lack space think about helping in a church or community garden that feeds the poor.

The Bible says the earth teaches those who speak to it (Job 12:7-10)? You can speak to the earth and learn much about God in your garden.

Dorothy Frances Gurney knew that when she wrote:

“One is nearer God’s heart in the garden

than anywhere else on earth.”

dorothy-gurney-quote

 

 

 

 

Categories
Depression Relationships Resilience Wellness

What to Do When You Feel Lonely in a Crowd

Jan and Mike’s Road Trip

Jan and Mike (not their real names) looked forward to their weekend get-away.  All week their jobs, household responsibilities and other commitments kept them from feeling personally connected.

As the couple set out for their three-hour road trip Mike felt happy to get away from work and chatted freely about:

  • the weather
  • the health of a man at his office
  • how he might fix the plumbing
  • politics
  • his questions about a teen they both knew

Jan felt dissatisfied with their experience. She finally said, “I don’t feel connected to you. We haven’t had a personal conversation all week and nothing we’ve talked about this morning helps me feel close to you now. I feel lonely even though we’re together.”

Melissa’s Attempt to Connect

Melissa (not her real name) retired from work and felt isolated. She hoped to connect with other women by joining a local book club. For months she read the assigned books, attended meetings smiled and chatted cheerfully with other club members.

Still Melissa never felt connected in the club. Long-standing friendships among several members seemed obvious and no one there seemed anxious to know Melissa better. Pleasant conversations at the meetings focused on the book read, impersonal news and the exchange of other information. Melissa felt lonely at these meetings.

We Can Feel Lonely in a Crowd

We live in an individualistic, achievement-celebrating culture. Many of us get together with others for a variety of worthy purposes without ever being together. People can be together and still feel lonely in:

  • families that shame vulnerability, emotion and independent thinking
  • marriages built around practical function more than soul connection
  • structured meetings that limit personal sharing
  • places where screens and entertainment curtail conversation
  • recreation & volunteer programs that organize parallel (vs. interactive) activity
  • sit-and-learn education settings

We Need Intimacy

God created us for physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy. The original Hebrew word yada reveals the emotional intimacy of the first marriage (Gen 4:1). Scripture celebrates many deeply personal and loving friendships including those of:

God made us so that loneliness depletes health and closeness fortifies vitality.  Psychological benefits of intimacy include resiliency and reduced risk of mental illness. Physical benefits include lower risk of disease and improved outcomes (including lower mortality rates) once disease strikes. God wants His people connected.

How to Build Personal Connections

Connection takes intentional time and effort. Here are four steps to connecting better when you feel lonely in a crowd:

1. Develop self awareness

Intimacy happens when two people share their deep selves and that requires self awareness. I seek self awareness through prayer, journaling and feedback from others. Read this for help with self awareness.

2. Identify emotionally-available people

Most gatherings leave room for brief conversations that let us us detect who wants to get better acquainted and who doesn’t. People who do:

  • show interest and listen carefully
  • ask questions about you
  • make eye contact and use open body language
  • respond with empathy and stick up for you
  • offer acceptance and affirmations
  • share things about themselves
  • invite you to do things
  • offer to help you

Look for emotionally available people and act available yourself. If you don’t connect in the groups you frequent over time try out some new groups. Look for meeting structures that leave space for personal connection and for leaders who understand that people just want to be together (thanks for teaching me this Ellen Cook!).

3. Create opportunities to connect

If your schedule keeps you busy with things that afford only superficial connection try scheduling events that foster conversation like:

  • A walk in the park
  • coffee or lunch
  • an old-fashioned telephone visit
  • a road trip together
  • meeting to share and pray
  • running errands together
  • doing low-concentration tasks side-by-side that enable conversation

4. Take conversations to a personal level

Emotional intimacy happens when conversation goes deeper than chit-chat and the exchange of information to focus on:

  • current feelings
  • personal meaning made of events & circumstances
  • expectations and plans for the future
  • hopes, dreams and desires
  • worries, fears and concerns
  • personal needs
  • present challenges and struggles
  • greatest joys

Conclusion

I hope you enjoy emotional intimacy with a few trusted others. If you do, guard against  stagnation and keep your relationship personal. If you don’t have intimate relationships, take steps to get closer to someone soon.

God made us for emotional intimacy. Closeness feeds our soul and blesses our bodies. Life is short so don’t miss the yada God intends for your life!

Cheryl

Categories
Depression Marriage Parenting Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Do You Get Tired of All the Blaming?

Mark felt seriously disgruntled with his life. He lived next door to John and often showed up at John’s house to “shoot the breeze.” His neighborly visits typically turned into Mark’s personal gripe sessions.

Mark complained about his ex-wife and blamed her for their divorce. He criticized his adult children for not staying in touch. He used a quiver of arrows to take shots at his boss, co-workers, the church he left, politicians and the coach of the local baseball team. Unable to bear it any longer John finally confronted Mark about his complaining and blaming.

Continue reading “Do You Get Tired of All the Blaming?”
Categories
Depression Marriage Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Why Everyone Needs a Confidant (and How to Get One)

Photo by Cole Hutson on Unsplash

John’s wife and two children stared blankly at the living room walls after expending all the tears and angry words they could muster at the moment.  Together they sat wondering, “What happened?”

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Categories
Depression Grief Marriage Parenting Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

The Truth about Feelings

 

Have you ever heard the words, “You shouldn’t feel that way?” Do you sometimes feel guilty about your feelings? Life is made up of thoughts, feelings and actions. We know the right way to think (rationally) and the correct way to act (lovingly). But can we know the right way to feel? 

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Categories
Depression Personal Growth Relationships Resilience Wellness

Do You Need Group Power?

In the beginning God said “It’s not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18) so He created Eve. Before long the first couple landed outside the garden where they struggled with the same hardships and family dysfunctions we face today.

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Categories
Marriage Relationships Resilience Wellness

What You Need to Know about Domestic Violence

Valentine fun fell a little flat for most people this year. We had to digest news of the Florida school shooting on 2/14 as well as reports of 9 police murders taking place between 2/5 and 2/21.

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