Category: Personal Growth

Categories
Depression Personal Growth Resilience Wellness

How to Think Your Way to Success

My life got busy recently and I lost hold of important disciplines. Does that happen to you?

A baby was born, a hurricane developed, our basement leaked water and a series of meetings and related work occurred in rapid succession. Amid these distractions I failed to exercise regularly and ate too much unhealthy food for a period of weeks.

I felt bad physically and mentally because of poor choices so I determined to get back on track by walking my favorite trail. I wanted to complete the course at my usual pace but that came hard after time away. I believed I would need to slow or rest.

To make things tougher I passed several inviting benches waiting in scenic places. I thought a lot about pausing to sit on one, enjoy the scenery and do some pending work using my phone.

In the end I didn’t slow or sit but finished my route in target time. I gained two rewards:

  1. physical benefit
  2. a feeling of success

My small success happened for one reason –  I changed my thinking. Changed thinking can open the door to big successes too.

Transforming Thoughts

The apostle Paul explained that transformation comes from a renewed mind (Rms 12:2). My mind renewed when I remembered the passage of Scripture I read at breakfast:

 “ …do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” (Heb 10:35-36).

Busted! I was throwing away my confidence by thinking I couldn’t finish my walk in good time. Distracting benches tempted me to forget my purpose (fitness) and miss my rewards.

I recognized the counterproductive nature of my thoughts and rejected them. Instead I embraced confident thoughts, considered ways to keep going, remembered my purpose and contemplated rewards. My changed thinking transformed me into a confident, determined and successful trekker.

The Renewed Mind

The passage in Hebrews suggests four thinking patterns that lead to success. These include:

Confident Thinking

Confidence comes from thinking, “I can.” Satan wants us to believe “I can’t,” Paul teaches us to say, “I can do all things through Christ” (Phil 4:13).

Of course we cannot literally do all things. I cannot run 100 miles with my friend’s son Shane or up a mountain with my son-in-law. Paul means that with God’s help we can do God’s will in all situations.

Endurance Thinking

I persevered toward my goal because I stopped thinking about how much farther and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. That helped me keep going.

Disciplined thinking helps us persevere. We feel stronger when we focus on the next step, when we think about today  (Matt 6:34).

Purpose Thinking

Those benches had a siren call that almost led me to forgot my purpose (fitness). Remembering my reason for walking helped me move past the benches.

We exist to glorify God (Isa 43:7). There are many worthy ways to do that. Success comes when we find and focus on God’s purpose for our unique life – the purpose that best fits our abilities and situation.

Reward Thinking

I motivated myself by thinking on expected rewards. I envisioned sinking into my comfortable car seat and driving home for refreshment feeling physically good and knowing I did the right thing.

God promises rich rewards now and in the life ahead to those who do His will (Phil 4:4-8; Rev 22:5). Thinking on rewards spurs us toward victory.

So What are You Thinking?

Hebrews 10:35-36 helped me assess my thoughts. It can help you too. Here are four questions to ask yourself next time you want to succeed but know you need to renew your mind:

1. Am I telling myself “I can” or succumbing to self-doubt?

“do not throw away your confidence…”

2. Am I thinking about today or looking too far  ahead and feeling overwhelmed?

“you need to persevere…”

3. Am I focused on my God-given purpose or getting distracted?

“so that when you have done the will of God…”

4. Am I think about rewards or focused on my hardships?

“you will receive what He has promised.”

Just thinking…

Cheryl

Categories
Marriage Parenting Personal Growth Relationships Resilience

An Unexpected Miracle

My phone rang in the wee hours last Thursday morning. I answered and heard my daughter say, “Mom, I’m in labor.” I flipped on the light to wake my husband, jumped into my waiting clothes, grabbed a to-go mug of coffee and began my drive through nighttime fog to attend the birth of my youngest granddaughter.

Upon reaching the hospital I found my daughter struggling with strong contractions in the care of her attentive husband, a midwife and a nurse. My heart filled with concern and empathy for her. You know if you’re a parent – it’s easier to suffer yourself than see your child in pain.

Our daughter’s unexpected pregnancy came with stress. It occurred long after she and her husband thought they’d completed their family. The pregnancy forced changes in life and career plans as well as household room arrangements. All-things baby had to be purchased again. Older siblings prepared for unfamiliar life changes.

Adult family members recognized that mother and baby faced increased risk due to my daughter’s mature age. Prenatal exams found no problems but we all felt angst as the pregnancy progressed.

Throughout the pregnancy I told myself and my daughter, “Life is always a good thing” and “God’s plans are best” (Isa 55:8). I knew these truths as I stood beside my inconvenienced, laboring daughter but I felt stress and concern.

Suddenly that changed. Seemingly out-of-the-blue the midwife said, “Look at all that brown hair!” What? Wait a minute! What’s she talking about? What does she see? Can I see? I did.

In an instant the disrupted plans, household upheaval, expense, angst, the stress of labor and worry for my daughter vanished like a puff of smoke. The previous concerns no longer mattered.

Nothing felt important now but the brown-haired baby that suddenly entered our world. My daughter’s emotional exclamations of joy and the nurses’ admissions that they too were crying washed away every feeling of intrusion and misgiving that ever surrounded that pregnancy. Only wonder and joy remained.

What I Learned

Walking beside my daughter through her disruptive, unexpected pregnancy drove home three lessons I want to remember. They might help you too:

1.   Life and Love Trump Everything

Life took an unexpected turn with this pregnancy. But once family members saw, held and talked to that baby previously envisioned life plans seemed unimportant. No other life plan could bring as much joy as having a new person to love.

God gives life. He is love (1 Jn 4:7-9). He wants us to live loving lives (Matt 22:36-40).

Life comes with distractions. Over investment in work, position, possessions, hobbies, finances and other interests can cause us to miss out on what really satisfies in life- loving God by loving people (Jn 21:17)

2.  Give Thanks Always

Circumstances change all around us but as long as we have people to love let us give thanks. Love is our greatest need.

The apostle Paul tells us to thank God even in hard circumstances (Eph 5:20). Does your spouse drive you crazy? Thank God you have a marriage to work on. Is your loved one ill or feeble? Give thanks for their presence – you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Does your child misbehave? Cherish your opportunity to help them.

3.   Live Ready; Stay Flexible

You’ve heard it said, “To make God laugh make plans.” We suffer delusions of control but nature and God bring unexpected course changes to every life. Fighting what we cannot change only creates headaches.

Better to trust God and roll with things outside our control. The Bible promises (and experience proves) that God works all things to good for those who love Him (Rms 8:28). Our job is to love God and live for His purposes. Things work out well when we do.

What About You?

Can you relate to my experience? Have you or your family had to adjust to unexpected and even unwanted changes? What lessons did you learn? Did God work everything out for good in the end?

Let me know. I’d love to hear your story!

Cheryl

Categories
Depression Personal Growth Relationships

When You Really Need to Hit Three for Three

A few years ago I heard an unforgettable story about an interesting young man. His story teaches a valuable lesson we all need.

The handsome blond-haired young man with movie-star like features lived in California. His professional model wife circulated with movie stars. He owned a successful business, lived in a beautiful house, drove a luxury sports car and enjoyed pleasant relationships with family and friends.

His glaring problem was a depression that landed him in the psych ward of a public hospital where he saw a doctor one time. He told the doctor his depression didn’t make sense because he said, “I have it all.” Despite all the young man had he also said, “It feels like there’s just something missing.”

The Christian doctor considered what he heard and inquired about the patient’s spiritual life. The young man quickly dismissed the inquiry and said, “I don’t go in for that kind of thing.”

Before treatment in the public hospital could go further the patient learned of an opening in a private elite clinic. He transferred there and not long after committed suicide.

When Something’s Missing

Most of us feel “there’s just something missing” when we get down, discouraged, lonely or afraid. There usually is something missing – love.

I’m not talking about the kind of romantic or emotional love that we passively sit around and wait to come our way. I’m talking about the proactive kind of love we make happen – the kind God commands us to do.

Christ’s two great commands tell us to do three things (Matt 22:36-40):

  1. love of God
  2. love of others
  3. love ourselves

Loving God, others and ourselves gives purpose and joy to our lives in a way physical beauty, wealth and social standing cannot.

God’s Package Plan

You’ve heard it said  that “two out of three ain’t bad.” That works for things like quiz shows. When it comes to obeying Christ’s love commands we need to hit three for three.

Christ didn’t say love God, others or yourself. He didn’t tell us to pick and choose the kinds of love we want to offer or the kinds that feel convenient. He tells us to love God, others and ourselves. Failure to love in all three directions thwarts God’s purposes and turns life sour. Consider:

The self-centered person. The young man referenced above seemed to love himself (judging by his lavish lifestyle) and he got along with people. Still he did not know or love God and did not love others through service. He loved in one of the three commanded directions (self) and lived a life without purpose, hope or joy.

The self-deprecating person. This person may do a great job of loving God and others but not themselves. They put themselves down, feel guilty, lack confidence, neglect self care and let others take advantage of them. They don’t see themselves as valued, gifted and needed instruments of God’s purposes. They love in just two commanded directions (God and others) and they hurt.

The critic. This person practices spiritual disciplines and thinks highly of self but has little regard for or patience with most others. He loves himself and thinks he loves God. He or she may even serve (for self serving reasons) but will stay aloof from meaningful involvements. This person loves in only two commanded directions (God and self) and  lives a lonely life marked by dissatisfaction and complaint.

Get the Package Plan

Christ’s prescription for the good life includes proactive love of God, others and our selves. Neglecting even one of these dimensions of proactive love creates dissatisfaction and that disturbing sense that “there’s just something missing.”

How’s your life going? If it feels like something’s missing check how well you’re actively loving God, others and self. If you’re neglecting even one of these three kinds of love please fix that now. God will help you (Gal 5:22). I promise your life will feel better.

Wishing you an amazing love life! Wishing you three for three!!

Cheryl

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Depression Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Are You One of the Brightest Bulbs in the Box?

Three days ago I began my milestone birthday by walking around a nearby lake. The first half of my route featured a casual stroll through a rose garden, a trek to the far side of the lake, a climb up a steep hill and a detour down a dirt path where I came across a shaded bench beside a small pond.

I sat on the bench and thought about years under my life’s bridge and ways to live out the rest of my journey. I used my phone to read Psalm 71 (concerns aging), softly sang two hymns and left the isolated spot with spirits high and a spring in my step.

As I continued walking around the lake I passed four college-age students going the other way. I looked toward each one and said “Hi” or “Good morning” but none of the first three acknowledged me or my greeting. I shrugged and gave it little thought until…

A fourth young lady wearing earphones and holding herself upright came jogging towards me with ponytail swinging. As she drew near she flashed a broad smile my way and began waving her hand back and forth in friendly greeting. That young woman had her light on! She was one of the brightest bulbs I met that day!

God Gives Us Light

It seems God often sends the same message more than once in the same day. That’s why I didn’t feel totally surprised that evening when via Facetime we got to hear our 8-year old grandson Liam recite the memory verse he learned at camp. You guessed it! Liam repeated:

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 5:16)

Favorable circumstances enable us to feel bright and cheery sometimes but Scripture teaches that lasting and true light comes from God in the face of Jesus (2 Cor 5:6; John 1:9). . God wants the light of Christ to shine through us into the world (Isa 60:1; Matt 5:14).

Is Your Light On? Does it Shine?

This world has much darkness. We all know so I won’t elaborate. God gives us needed light for personal enjoyment and for sharing (Luke 8:16).

Our daily words, actions and attitudes impact others. Every day we get the chance to make the world brighter or darker by the choices we make. We contribute:

  • hope or pessimism
  • truth or deceit
  • compassion or indifference
  • generosity or selfishness
  • acceptance or rejection
  • patience or anger
  • grace or condemnation
  • humor or grumpiness
  • humility or pride

Have you thought about the ways you do or don’t add light to the world? Which of the words in the above dichotomies best describe what you pour into the lives of others? If you circled those words would you have more circles on the left or right-hand side of the column?

Our light switch comes on when we receive God’s Spirit. Our bulb shines out when we dust it off, check the filament and take intentional steps to make it visible to others.

If you need God’s light in your heart ask Him for it. If you have His light but it’s hidden or darkened with dust from disuse do what it takes to brighten your light and place it where it shines into the darkness.

The woman I met by the lake definitely had light in her heart and apparently wanted to brighten the world around her. I want to be like her. How about you?

Cheryl

Categories
Depression Marriage Personal Growth Relationships Resilience

In a Battle? Learn How to Win from General Grant!

The evening of April 6, 1862 brought one of the worst moments of the Civil War for General U.S. Grant. His army suffered a terrible defeat at Shiloh that day, a pounding rain pummeled his troops sleeping in the open and he struggled with pain from an injured ankle.

Near midnight General Sherman sought out Grant. He found him sitting in a dark, make-shift headquarters under a tree. Sherman intended to discuss plans for retreat but for some reason hesitated and only said, “Well Grant, we’ve had the devil’s own day today, haven’t we?”

Grant paused to puff on his cigar then said, “Yes. Lick ’em tomorrow though.” You can read more about this moment in history here.

Setbacks bring choices

Grant had a critical choice to make that night. He could have let failure overwhelm him. Others expected him to give up but he looked to the next day with hope. Grant rejoined the battle on April 7th and turned a bad defeat into great victory.

Have you suffered a defeat lately? Have difficult circumstances made you want to retreat from a job, church, friendship, marriage or family members? People give up all time. They prematurely accept defeat and suffer unnecessary losses.

Failures and setbacks come to every life. Conflicts and troubles plague every relationship (I know, I’m a counselor…things aren’t always what they appear). The choices we make when trouble comes (not our troubles themselves) determine who wins and who loses.

Choose Forward

Every setback invites discouragement, quitting and hopelessness. Choosing to quit only locks us into defeat.

A better choice involves following the apostle Paul who chose “forgetting what lies behind” and pressing on (Phil 3:13).” People often resist letting go of the past but there’s no other way to achieve victory after defeat. God wants us to move forward trusting His presence (Ps 139:7-10), help (Ps 46:1) and rewards for perseverance (Gal 6:9).

Grant turned defeat into victory at Shiloh because he chose to do the following:

God wants us to win battles by making the same choices as the general.

What about You?

How do you handle setbacks? Do you say like Grant, “Lick ’em tomorrow?”

Quitting sometimes make sense. There’s no point in “beating a dead horse” but please make sure your “horse” is really dead before giving up on your job, church, friends, marriage, family members, personal dreams or even Congress! Do all you can to snatch victory from the jaws of  defeat. Go the “second mile.” (Matt 5:41)

John C. Maxwell provides in-depth advice about responding well to setbacks. Check out his book, Failing Forward.

If you have turned a defeat into victory and want to share your story please write a brief account in the comment section below. We all need inspiring stories like the one that came from a dreary night at Shiloh.

Wishing you victories!

Cheryl

PS to my Southern friends:  I know – lots of victories on the Confederate side too! Next time I’ll write about Jackson or Lee, okay? 😀

Categories
Depression Grief Parenting Personal Growth Relationships

Why You Should Come Out of the Cry Closet

 

Two weeks ago I blogged about the day I started crying in church. A song reminded me of my late brother and I decided not to push back my tears but to have a good cry in the ladies’ room. I didn’t share what happened next.

Continue reading “Why You Should Come Out of the Cry Closet”
Categories
Depression Marriage Parenting Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Do You Get Tired of All the Blaming?

Mark felt seriously disgruntled with his life. He lived next door to John and often showed up at John’s house to “shoot the breeze.” His neighborly visits typically turned into Mark’s personal gripe sessions.

Mark complained about his ex-wife and blamed her for their divorce. He criticized his adult children for not staying in touch. He used a quiver of arrows to take shots at his boss, co-workers, the church he left, politicians and the coach of the local baseball team. Unable to bear it any longer John finally confronted Mark about his complaining and blaming.

Continue reading “Do You Get Tired of All the Blaming?”
Categories
Depression Marriage Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

Why Everyone Needs a Confidant (and How to Get One)

Photo by Cole Hutson on Unsplash

John’s wife and two children stared blankly at the living room walls after expending all the tears and angry words they could muster at the moment.  Together they sat wondering, “What happened?”

Continue reading “Why Everyone Needs a Confidant (and How to Get One)”
Categories
Depression Grief Marriage Parenting Personal Growth Relationships Wellness

The Truth about Feelings

 

Have you ever heard the words, “You shouldn’t feel that way?” Do you sometimes feel guilty about your feelings? Life is made up of thoughts, feelings and actions. We know the right way to think (rationally) and the correct way to act (lovingly). But can we know the right way to feel? 

Continue reading “The Truth about Feelings”
Categories
Depression Personal Growth Relationships Resilience Wellness

Do You Need Group Power?

In the beginning God said “It’s not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18) so He created Eve. Before long the first couple landed outside the garden where they struggled with the same hardships and family dysfunctions we face today.

Continue reading “Do You Need Group Power?”